Being real isn't always easy....

I've had a rough few weeks. First and foremost I took a trip to Florida. ugghhh !! I will write about that in a different blog this isn't the time for that discussion. I spent 10 days in Tampa and I did have one thing which was alot of time to think about things. I thought alot about my life and what's important to me. Who is important to me.

I've been struggling with who I am and what I'm about. I know that I am always going to be me. I find myself wanting to be what people expect and never living up to that because I can't or I will not. I'm just me. I make mistakes. I say things at the wrong time sometimes. I hold a grudge when you hurt my kids. I get pissed when I see someone being mean to someone who can't defend themselves. I don't like it when people look down on other folks because of their color or their job or the way they look. People are people we all get dressed the exact same way one step at a time. Why does what you drive, what you do, what you wear, how you look become the be all and end all. When it gets right down to it. We all live we all die. The things that matter in the end is that you've lived. I want to live I want to find my way to find whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing exactly. I'm floundering and I need some guidance. I have friends but I'm not sure anyone can help me through this time except me.

This is the deal, I say exactly what I'm thinking when I'm thinking it good or bad. I tell you what I think and what I feel. Yes as my friend Ty tells me I'm "real" I wish more people were. It would make life so much easier. I have friends that complain about their jobs, their spouse, their life. I want to scream at them. It's your life "live it, be real quit trying to be something your not" I don't know if that's the key to happiness but I do know this. It is how I am able to go to sleep at night. I keep wondering if I should go to school, or if I should stay at a job I love. Is it to late, or is never to late? Am i too old am I not to old? It's the big questions, like: IF I will get out of my pajamas all weekend or I'll go live it up and party all night. What I am sure of is this. If I'm out painting the town pink or I'm sitting in front of the tv watching cmt videos I'm gonna be real. I'm gonna say what I think. I'm gonna wear the clothes that I feel comfortable in. I'll dye my hair blond or pink or green. Whatever I feel like. It's not about someone else it's about me. I'm still searching for whatever it is that's missing in my life. While I'm looking though I'm gonna be real. It's the only way to live.